Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
