just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sisters under your porch take her home
false alarm. still invincible.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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