The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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