ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
