Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
