i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
