You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
