you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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