what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
