having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
