oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
