he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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