Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
