I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
