Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
