dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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