I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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