I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
