I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
