Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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