the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
