I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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