Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
