I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
