I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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