I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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