so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
They have beer where we have blood.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
