so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
All I want is dick and wine.
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