I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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