Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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