so let's talk penis.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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