Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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