when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
