I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
