at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
smell my finger.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
