she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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