Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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