then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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