I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
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I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
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I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize