i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
