I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?