i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?