I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
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she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
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Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online