No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
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four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
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you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0