dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
