Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
