I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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