Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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