How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize