Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
