VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
