My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
