Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
