i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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