she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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