Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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