i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
