I was born with a shot glass in my hand
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sext me about skeletons
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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