You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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