Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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