I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Did I show you my penis last night?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
