just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
