i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
sarcasm needs its own font
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
