You're my little dorito
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
