its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
