i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
